Narcissists will use what they can to manipulate the situation, which then overlooks whatever tendencies they have from being racists, sexists, etc. Now Im not sure if I believe him. The problem is I know my father is an narcissist, I have thought that for many years. Why would there not be any DSM explanation for people having autism doing something shitty or is the 1-sided autism made him/her do it? Nikola Tesla, Steve Jobs, Sir Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Temple Grandin, Albert Einstein, Barbara McClintock, just to name a few. I really dont believe the previous person is correct. I feel terrible about what I did. Am I with someone autistic, a narcissist, or both? Id like to hear from some of these unusual couples as they may be an inspiration for less fortunate individuals. He may also have a certain amount of autism. Its hard i have to act and look strong and narc to protect myself while trying to be good and do good around me undercover? I get silence which is painful to me but caused by his inability to communicate. All I can say from my own experience is to try to learn as much as you can about the condition to help with understanding it. When I read the report in the link, it certainly described her situation. For example, my husband does understand social interaction, uses silent treatment and guilt to manipulate me, and I have learned that I can most definitely not say no. I believe his Dad AND Grandfather were the same controlling, hurtful type of people. Hell put bible verses all over, and goodie two shoes verses on his wall in his office, like when Im home, Im not at home etc. He meets ALL the criteria. Plus not sensitive and insensitive are the same thing, so I dont really get why you didnt just use the same word. Weve been married 32 years and I was a therapist for 20 of those years. For a man this is a somewhat embarrassing and diminishing situation and causes stress in itself. They would constantly say im evil and i ruin everyones life and i believed them but the facts were not adding up. I am me and she is her, we need to remain our individual selves, not become someone that we are not. He was a very hands on dad, but always felt like he wasnt good enough not understanding himself with aspergers. They dont understand that if you are in a hospital, you must care help.. thats YOUR JOB. The DVD was called Imagine Having Aspergers Syndrome. He spoke about one of his patients having an attitude that he was king and the rest of his family were his servants. Some of the seeing form opinions, that the Blind guy is just being obstinate or purposely manipulative, because he knows more about the statue than the rest of the room, and pretends to not be able to describe the image or colour. Just.. to not be under attack 24/7 all year long is such a relief i am.. Im not a young person and Ive only just come to this conclusion. I have really been encouraged by reading your article and the comments different people have made. I had to have my own money and life, interests, friends. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. To my mind this is what life and love is but it can also be debilitating to tender souls. I see him starting to ask me questions about myself because I think (hope) hes beginning to care about me more. He knew he wasnt marriage material which I deeply respected, mainly because he didnt want to be responsible for a wife or children. I am obsessed with fairness, transparency and understanding the rules of play. saying it was all my fault bla bla. Weird, but Im not complaining. I have some narc traits.. autism i spent my life thinking i was worth nothing because of my family and everything. She even pushed me to lose 100,000$ i had won gmabling while i was just tyring to quit knowing it was all going back. Yes these two afflictions are both on the autism spectrum, but are somewhat different. The world upside down when you dont know yet that your family is a bunch of monsters trying to kill you since childhood who would.. even consider that as an option? Yes, autism is not easy to understand, but learning about it helps with understanding where that person on the spectrum is, and makes for a far easier life. I am peaceful, i dont work against others. When I have these thoughts I think of it as the Mammoth thats weighing me down, and after a little practice I can now make that lousy thought from my Mammoth disappear. I cannot change her, she is the way she is. I cannot be subordinate to anyone, not even to try and fit in or to climb the ladder. Find out if he feels the way I do. Drugs, ECT, resting away from the world in a mental hospital did not help. He has recently come to terms with the fact he may have high functioning autism. My brother stopped communicating with me. Psychiatrists say its me that learned, for survival, to mimic my family, my parents. were also capable of doing it unintentionally, and sometimes thats due to our autism, sometimes it isnt, and sometimes its a mixed issue. A tribe can not afford narcissists which means it isnt human, of nature. The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, by Bessel Van Der Kolk His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Asperger's Disorder. The worst case scenario was a workaholic trait which eventually took its toll and the sexual abuse came to light. Because my daughter is a slow reader and finds it hard to take in all the information at once, I have been reading these books to her one chapter at a time in the evening. Im very easy going although not a push over. Narcs want to be adored and to maintain control; if they pissed me off, I would not be able to hide it OR let it go. But anyway the novel is getting long again so ill leave it there for the story. How did you come to this conclusion? This is a great tool for breaking those similarities down and seeing where the real differences are. He goes to help his ex wife in another state and sleeps in her bed because she has a tiny place. Recently i ran out of food i asked for help nobody cared.. nobody helped.. both my parents said fu starve man you will love it Like what? 3. Do I really like this man, no. Observe his real behaviour without your emotional attachment. Yet, Asperger's and personality pathologies have little in common. If you think you or a loved one may have both bipolar disorder and autism, it's important to understand how the conditions appear together. Another suggestion, find your running boots before he drags you down and makes you believe you are all the things that are going wrong in his life. Is it really fair to say that those with Aspergers and HFA lack empathy? I keep reading that we dont recover but I i imagine there has to be something that works, both for me and people that encounter me. Do high-functioning autistic or aspies hoover? As Robin touched upon, I feel that we cannot begin to determine what is really going on with a persons brain until their environmental toxins and deficits are corrected. I have also been a little different, not to his degree but do know how difficult growing up and living like that can be. It doesnt bother me at the time, but the next couple of days Im shaky inside and feel a bit sick. Ive been married a couple of times and had different intimate encounters along my journey in life, and also a 30yr friendship with a man with, what I described as a condition. My father has a warped sense of reality, but at the same time he is quite anti social and has reccently had issues with anxiety. Since they were all teaming up on me, i had no allies, i had no help. People, on the whole, dont choose to be Narcissistic and have no choice regarding Autism either. I feel Im disabled in some way and technology isnt where I ought to be investing my time and my gifts. The average autistic person is very well-meaning, but misunderstood. He doesnt feel he does anything wrong and when I try to tell him how I feel and he calls them lectures and adds them to the list. For Your Own Good, and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware, by Alice Miller A few times he said I was a good person. I am so glad I am not the only one struggling with this diagnosis dilemma. Even if they are not identical, they can co-exist. Autistic people struggle with theory of mind issues, not insensitivity nor one-dimensionality. I was a smart sensitive autistic kid in a family of monsters. My main problem is that I still keep forgetting that I cannot treat him as a normal person, so I make problems for myself. This took a toll on me after 20 odd years and dealing with the lack of self worth he so graciously gave to me, I ended up becoming someone I didnt particularly like, value or relate to at that stage, my self asteem was at an all time low, this was in 2007 and I was 43 years old, at this stage I was not wearing my wedding rings and I was now quite self absorbed and looking mainly at my own needs. While I absolutely LOVE being right and will happily crow about it when I am, I am actually more interested in finding THE TRUTH than in being right and I can readily admit to being wrong or making a mistake. Any thoughts? Research I have found has moved me forward in my understanding. He was a great one for untruths, it worries my daughter to not stick with the truth. I have experienced one of the rages and they are pretty Soul shaking events. I need to mention some good things about him as a partner so as not to appear one sided. I have a narcisstic Mother who thinks she has Asbergers. He is very intelligent man but I wonder sometimes if hes not on a spectrum somewhere. Perhaps stepping back from your family, husband and anyone else in your life, and trying to feel if they have good vibes (as my autistic daughter says) may allow you to find those you want in your life and those you dont. The light she shines on me is scary at times. How many diagnosed autistic people get pushed aside due to this belief? Im sorry if I have rambled on so long I just needed to vent and dont want to do this with the family because then they will think bad of him. But, even if i know i am sensitive, empathic. I wonder if Im attracted to this kind of person because I understand and feel so much for them. The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. My father was a horrible narcissist, my mother wasnt, I began to take on his traits as these were the most powerful in the house, then one day I realised I didnt want to be like that, I preferred the gentleness, kindness and thoughtfulness of my mother, and hopefully Im still that today as I reach my autumn years. This doesnt happen as much now . There could be a level from the really dense types, right through to people that are amazing. If I say something about myself or my family, he hijacks the conversation and makes it about him or his family. I am confused and broken hearted. He kept talking about a woman he knew bothered me and I kept asking him to stop and was getting very upset. I am just reading this, but I an a grown woman who has just been diagnosed with ASD level 1 (Aspergers) and I have a sibling who I believe to be a narcissist. Very good, helpful article. He is the most loyal and dependable person I know and treats me like his queen. I tend to forget people if we don't see them regularly even though we care about them and when we remember them we do miss them, but . Im a Christian and like the verse that says He that covers over his sins shall not prosper and vengeance is mine, I will repay and he who troubles his house shall inherit the wind. The ones that work to gain your trust.. work in fields like these.. are nice .. too nice.. then stab you in the back or when you ask.. the important questions like mine.. they suddenly start working in the same direction aas my family. This article generalizes far, far too much for it to be trustworthy. Im sure there are probably more issues with this article. Now that I understand what makes her tick, I have been able to make adjustments to the way we interact and this has made our lives far better. My husband certainly does. One way of proving they do indeed have empathy, is the evidence to show those in the autistic range often have a deep affinity with animals and feel very much at ease around them. How what??? Goodness me!!! But that gave me tiime to study. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. Is this just normal for your country? This was a huge step for me in understanding how she felt. Why this happened no one has an answer. He seemed on edge when he got home from work. How could i know i was that good, or had any kind of skills or whatever my entire family and world kept destroying me all my life. Then there is the story of the post-trauma. I was somewhat ill mentally and physically. It is my understanding that autism is a developmental / brain wiring difference and narcissm is a personality disorder. Our marriage ended after 25 years and was through my choice in asking him to leave. Best wishes to you. functional) neurologist or neuroscientist He was so young and so small and had no protection, from what I can gather. The 4 great novels of Dostoyevsky (Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, Demons (aka The Possessed), and The Brothers Karamazov She lives with me. Life is much better now, I know not to expect her to do things straightaway, but to work up to them. There aint no taste in nothing and isolation and acting anti social isnt the answer either. We have been in our current home for four years, and its part of a rental scheme where the rent is below market value. yes. It has brought me to a place where I find myself valuating my life, my relationships. So i stayed solo and worked on myself. I never solved it, it just wasnt there any more. He was always right and I was wrong (even when I wasnt). If you are in a relationship with a person on the autism spectrum, it is helpful to know how to take care of yourself. Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. It still is for many. Im so unsure of myself now, perhaps I am too sensitive and feel like Im the one who has screwed this up by asking him to change behavior he cant help. I may be wrong but from what I have read it appears you are still putting others ahead of your own happiness. I love the comparative chart that you have listed above because looking at that you really do notice the big differences between the two; whereas if you are just looking at someone with their surface behaviors, you might think that they are one and the same. She now feels much better about herself and her anxiety levels have gone down somewhat. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. Autism also resides. Some people just repeat research finding, as if this kind of research would be well informed lol. We have both worked hard to make our marriage work but I felt so hurt today when he seemed anxious because my sister came to visit me, I have just had a major operation and she came over to give me some company and was gone before he got home. He knew he carried something but he didnt inform me, so I had to presume he had either been diagnosed or had taught himself to be careful in certain areas of his behaviour, mainly due to getting himself into hot water in the past, I imagine. I cant change the world so i try to take what i can and leave the rest but its complicated. I had to write to the director of the foundation here and expose the entire situation in a group email .. to force them into action. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-goulston-md/just-listendont-confus_b_316169.html, Kellevision, (2015, August 6). The person I encountered six months ago is very highly intelligent and kept telling me he was confused at times and aware Im being triggered by his behaviour. I was desperate for attention and conversation and no abuse and so I had several sexual encounters that he just found out about and now I dont know how to end this all. people with autism are not identical in their behavior. They are able to talk themselves up and can be dismissive of others. People with mental disorders, sicknesses and what not they are not going so bad because of their own the world.. society.. narcs.. healthcare.. everyone is set to destroy them and finish them off directly or indirectly pushing them to suicide. It may help the person feel in control, superior, or powerful. I have always wondered if im narcissistic not even considering im autistic. He has not worked for 10 years now (hes 46) and I am the only person bringing in money. Observe the persons behavior, dont absorb it. are included. That fact made me suffer so much, i believed people to be much smarter, better I never believed i was a genius or that smart, i just believed i was over the average and it was fine like that. Cut the string. Read some anthropology. A load of these can affect decision making and make humans sick in many ways. Dont know what to do, just not respond to his texts or keep the dialogue going. . Hang in there life does get better you just have to find that way out. Ive read Frederics contribution and the confusion and anger he expresses is difficult to read. From the very begining I was subjected to weeks of silent treatment and this would only end when I grovelled back to him and said sorry. I just feel so incapable of meeting her needs in terms of being empathetic and sympathetic to her emotional needs. He clearly resents that. An emotionally neglectful childhood, involving parents who did not empathize, may result in narcissistic traits in adulthood. Im allergic to dogs but it only mattered to him what she wanted. Im trying to understand my boyfriend of one year. He says he knows he cares for me because he can feel it when he hugs me. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174 . She was diagnosed only two years ago and is now 34. My husband and. I feel so sorry for my mom who has lived with this man for thirty six years, Goodness me. Maybe thats just evidence that some things can be more than one thing, and that someone can be a bit Aspergers AND a bit narcissistic. What does he contribute as the isolation you are feeling isnt healthy for you. My brother is recovering slowly with the help of the therapy team and is now at the stage where he must understand the importance of moving through and beyond his experiences. As to empathy, that of course is the ability to put yourself in another persons situation (or shoes ! ) Im also 100% sure hes a narcissist. I suffered so much, went down in alcoolism, drugs, compulsive gambling. Hyde), Wants a playbook (structure and predictability), On a spectrum from low functioning to high functioning, On a spectrum from normal-range behavior to. Not everyone is as gentle and understanding as I am. He has reason to be upset, as successive dentists have not whats been needed and left him with some problems. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension? It would be good if this article was at the very least amended because it still comes up in search terms and it is perpetuating harmful beliefs. Joanna. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! We married at the age of 22 and had 4 beautiful children together. I would think generally no, by definition, those with asperger's could not also be narcissistic. Over this past couple of years through my unconditional love for him he has come to the realisation that he does have aspergers syndrome and is now starting to understand himself and why he is different to most other people around us. I do not live in the USA, but I do watch the news coming in from that country on the pandemic. No matter how much patience and perseverance you have, you may discover nothing works to change the other person. And from that point you are going down the superficial hill that most people go down when they do not have the skill, experience or knowledge of autism. You can only change yourself. Rather than getting upset by this, I recommend practicing acceptance. 10. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. We have texted since, friendly but nothing more. She kept sending me by force to therapies then after enable me to gamble use my father psychological attacks on me or do it herself if need be to take me down down then when at the bottom .. finish me off with a big loan i never wanted. Can anyone suggest what I can do ???? If one reads up about some of the brilliant high functioning autistic people in this world, and individuals that have been perceived to be on the spectrum, some have done some amazing things. She literally panic on me day after day sayng its mafia money i need to lose asap its dangerous! Just a true scientist in the tradition of Dee Bacon Plato etc There is a site called First Wives World that may be of help as well. That is a topic I will probably never find the answers to, because I finally lashed out at her in an unforgivable way after she ripped my heart out for the last time. Its possible that my subconscious just wanted that bridge to burn once and for all. Both narcissists and those with ASD appear self-absorbed and neglectful of others, interested only in themselves and caring little about others but the reasons they act this way are much different. Maybe I shouldnt. Not now, that I have my answers. Here are some books that helped me a lot, saved my life in fact. Sociopathy or its synonym Psychopathy is not listed as a mental disorder, instead these personality traits are covered within the diagnosis of APD. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174, Clueless about damage they cause even though they can be hurtful and, Hurts other peoples feelings and doesnt care, Has intuition and uses it to get narcissistic supply, Tends to flip into different modes or personalities (Dr. Jekyll/Mr. People can tolerate some poisoning in the above or they can tolerate being in anti-social clean environments but they can not do both I take everything as its not in a hospital that i willfind the answers i am looking for and looking for people with a title that says they are professional in that is just asking for trouble narcs love these positions of power No go. Both bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can result in impulsive and overconfident behavior. Other than that he completely fits the description of a narcissist not someone on the spectrum as per your chart above. Lol but heh who knows. This is one that helped me to lift the clouds of confusion I had. I understand Frederics frustration but lots of narcissists dont know they are afflicted, and I expect some dont care. damit!) I dont intentionally do these things, but the result is the same: hurting the one person I have in my life (I dont have friends or family aside from her). It has been suggested that this occurs because of under-utilized mirror neurons in childhood, which leads to dysfunctional mirror neurons in adulthood (Kellevision, 2015). Still i act sometimes.. and do things that are.. truly narcissistic. But well, still with such a family and childhood. He has almost savant like abilities with facts, dates, details and questions if others really know what theyre talking if they cant relate their knowledge as well as he does. Why may be difficult to understand. Yes you are right, some days I feel okay then others I feel I have failed and sad. Then I had a full-blown breakdown in my early 40s, psychiatric hospital, sledgehammer antidepressant, suicide attempts etc. When a person is neurodivergent, it means that their brain learns and processes differently than people who are considered neurotypical. There are also VICTIM Narcissists. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. He was talking one day about his job and pedophiles came up and I mentioned Id been molested as a child. Narcissism IS high functioning autism where intervention has failed and been fooled by a child desperate to survive and appear normal as they approach teens and social survival starts to become paramount. Their maturing process is made up as they go along because there is no alternative. There are many genuinely nice men in this world, but they dont continually go on that life is all about them. He asked is it the closeness that bothers you? Either hes pretending not to know or he really doesnt get it.

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